Ad Atticum 3.13
Ad Atticum 3.13
Headnote
Cicero to Atticus, written from Thessalonica on the Nones of August (5 August) 58 BC. The consular elections of 58 have now been held, and Atticus has not written; Cicero takes the silence to mean nothing has moved, and resolves to fall back on the new tribunician college taking office in December. He repeats the bargain to live, and the move to Cyzicus he has been threatening for weeks. The poignant close §2 is the last reference of this group of letters to Quintus’s safety as the one fixed point: “whom if I, wretched as I am, leave unharmed, I shall not think that I have wholly perished.”
What I had written to you, that I would be in Epirus, I changed plan when I saw our hope thinned out and fading away; nor did I stir from Thessalonica, where I had decided to be until you wrote me something on the matter — as in your last letter you had written that, after the elections, something would be moved about me in the Senate, and that Pompey had said as much to you. Since the elections have been held, and you write me nothing on the question, I shall take it as if you had written that nothing was being done, and shall not bear it heavily that I have been led on by the hope of a not-far-off time. The movement that you had written you saw which seemed likely to be useful for us, men who are coming say will not happen. The remaining hope is in the tribunes designate. If I shall wait on that, there will be no ground for thinking that I have failed my own cause and the wishes of my people.
quod ad te scripseram me in Epiro futurum, postea quam extenuari spem nostram et evanescere vidi, mutavi consilium nec me Thessalonica commovi, ubi esse statueram quoad aliquid ad me de eo scriberes, quod proximis litteris scripseras fore uti secundum comitia aliquid de nobis in senatu ageretur; id tibi Pompeium dixisse. qua de re quoniam comitia habita sunt tuque nihil ad me scribis, proinde habebo ac si scripsisses nihil esse neque me temporis non longinqui spe ductum esse moleste feram. quem autem motum te videre scripseras qui nobis utilis fore videretur, eum nuntiant qui veniunt nullum fore. in tribunis pl. designatis reliqua spes est. quam si exspectaro, non erit quod putes me causae meae, voluntati meorum defuisse.
As to your accusing me, often, of bearing my own case so heavily, you must forgive me, when you see me afflicted as you have never seen, never heard of, anyone. As for your writing that you hear I am even being shaken in mind by my grief — no, my mind is sound. I wish only that it had been so sound in the moment of danger! when I dealt with men whom I supposed to hold my safety dearest, and found them my bitterest and cruellest enemies; who, as soon as they saw me bend a little under fear, drove me on so as to use up against my destruction every villainy and treachery they had. Now, since I must go to Cyzicus — and the rarer therefore my letters will reach you — I should the more want you to write everything in detail that you may think I have need to know. Make sure you love my brother Quintus; whom if I, wretched as I am, leave unharmed, I shall not think that I have wholly perished. Sent on the Nones of August.
quod me saepe accusas cur hunc meum casum tam graviter feram, debes ignoscere, cum ita me adflictum videas ut neminem umquam nec videris nec audieris. nam quod scribis te audire me etiam mentis errore ex dolore adfici, mihi vero mens integra est. atque utinam tam in periculo fuisset! cum ego iis quibus meam salutem carissimam esse arbitrabar inimicissimis crudelissimisque usus sum; qui, ut me paulum inclinari timore viderunt, sic impulerunt ut omni suo scelere et perfidia abuterentur ad exitium meum. nunc quoniam est Cyzicum nobis eundum, quo rarius ad me litterae perferentur, hoc velim diligentius omnia quae putaris me scire opus esse perscribas. Quintum fratrem meum fac diligas; quem ego miser si incolumem relinquo, non me totum perisse arbitrabor. data Nonis Sextilibus.