What are you saying? Do you imagine that I would rather have my writings read and approved by anyone than by you? Why then did I send it to someone else first? I was being pressed by the man to whom I sent it, and I had no copy. And besides — for I have been gnawing for some time at what I must in the end swallow — the palinode
palinodia did seem to me a touch dishonourable. But farewell to upright, true, honourable counsels. It is not credible what perfidy lies in those leading men, as they wish to be and as they would be if they had any good faith in them. I had sensed it, I had known it: led on, abandoned, cast aside by them. Yet I was of this mind, that I would agree with them in the commonwealth. They were what they had been. Scarcely at last, with you to push me, did I come to my senses. You will say that you had warned me and urged me to act in this way, but not also to write it.
By Hercules, I wished to lay upon myself the necessity of this new alliance, so that no opening should be left for me to slip back to those who, even when they ought to pity me, do not cease to envy. Yet we were moderate in the case
hypothesei, as I have written. We shall be more lavish if he receives it gladly — and those will snarl a little who take it ill that I have the villa which had been
Catulus’s, and never think that I bought it from Vettius; who say I ought not to have built the house, and say I ought to have sold it. But what does that matter, when in the opinions I delivered I said what they themselves would have approved, and yet they rejoiced that I had spoken against
Pompey’s wish? Let there be an end of it. Since those who can do nothing do not wish to love me, let us see to it that we are cherished by those who can. You will say, “I should have wished it long ago.” I know you wished it, and that I have been a thorough ass. But now it is time that I be loved by myself, since by them I cannot be at all. That you visit my house often is very welcome to me.
Crassipes is forestalling the farewell-dinner. You shall come from the road straight to the gardens. It seems more convenient to come to you; the next day, of course; for what difference is it to you? But we shall see. Your men have decorated my library with their construction and the title-labels. I should like you to praise them.
ain tu? me existimas ab ullo malle mea legi probarique quam a te? cur igitur cuiquam misi prius? urgebar ab eo ad quem misi, et non habebam exemplar. quid? etiam (dudum enim circumrodo quod devorandum est) subturpicula mihi videbatur esse παλινῳδία. sed valeant recta, vera, honesta consilia. non est credibile quae sit perfidia in istis principibus, ut volunt esse et ut essent si quicquam haberent fidei. senseram noram inductus, relictus, proiectus ab iis. tamen hoc eram animo ut cum iis in re publica consentirem. idem erant qui fuerant. vix aliquando te auctore resipui. dices ea te monuisse, suasisse a quae facerem, non etiam ut scriberem. ego
me hercule mihi necessitatem volui imponere huius novae coniunctionis, ne qua mihi liceret labi ad illos qui etiam tum cum misereri mei debent non desinunt invidere. sed tamen modici fuimus ὑποθέσει, ut scripsi. erimus uberiores si et ille libenter accipiet, et ii subringentur qui villam me moleste ferunt habere quae
Catuli fuerat, a Vettio emisse non cogitant; qui domum negant oportuisse me aedificare, vendere aiunt oportuisse. sed quid ad hoc, si, quibus sententiis dixi quod et ipsi probarent, laetati sunt tamen me contra
Pompei voluntatem dixisse? finis sit. quoniam qui nihil possunt ii me nolunt amare, demus operam ut ab iis qui a possunt diligamur. dices vellem iam pridem. scio te voluisse et me asinum germanum fuisse. sed iam tempus est me ipsum a me amari, quando ab illis nullo modo possum. domum meam quod crebro invisis est mihi valde gratum. viaticum
Crassipes praeripit. tu de via recta in hortos. videtur commodius ad te; postridie scilicet; quid enim tua? sed viderimus. bibliothecam mihi tui pinxerunt constructione et sillybis. eos velim laudes.
