Ad Familiares 14.1
Ad Familiares 14.1
Headnote
Cicero to Terentia, Tullia, and the boy Marcus, written from Dyrrachium on the sixth day before the Kalends of December (25 November) 58 BC, in the same week as the move from Thessalonica that the parallel Att. 3.22 records. The crisis at Rome is the new tribunes’ bill: by December the bid for Cicero’s recall would be tested. The opening note is what reaches Cicero of Terentia’s bearing “incredible courage and strength of spirit,” and the self-blame — not fate, but his own fault, in trusting men who envied him.
The painful detail in §5 is the news that Terentia means to sell their vicus (a village property, possibly from her own dos) to fund the recall effort: Cicero begs her not to. “If our friends shall stand to their duty, money will not be lacking; if they shall not, you will not be able to make it good with your money.” The closing thought is for the future of young Marcus: “see that we do not destroy the boy in his ruin.”
The closing §7 explains the move: Dyrrachium is a free city, friendly to him, and the nearest landing on the Adriatic to Italy — proximity is what now matters. The exile letters thin out from here: Cicero will spend the early winter at Dyrrachium and then begin moving again as the senatorial decrees of 1 January 57 BC and Lentulus Spinther’s consulship open the road home.
Both from many people’s letters and from everyone’s talk, news has come through to me of your incredible courage and strength of spirit, that you are not worn out by labours either of mind or of body. Wretched man that I am! That you, with that courage, that good faith, uprightness, and kindness, should have fallen into such hardships on my account; and that our little Tullia, who used to take such joys from her father, should now take such griefs from him. As for Marcus, what shall I say? — who, the moment he began to have understanding, took in only the bitterest of pains and miseries. If, as you write, I thought all this had been done by fate, I should bear it a little more easily; but everything has been brought about by my own fault, since I supposed I was loved by men who envied me, and did not follow those who sought me.
et litteris multorum et sermone omnium perfertur ad me incredibilem tuam virtutem et fortitudinem esse teque nec animi neque corporis laboribus defetigari. me miserum! te ista virtute, fide, probitate, humanitate in tantas aerumnas propter me incidisse, Tulliolamque nostram, ex quo patre tantas voluptates capiebat, ex eo tantos percipere luctus! nam quid ego de Cicerone dicam? qui cum primum sapere coepit, acerbissimos dolores miseriasque percepit. quae si, tu ut scribis, ’fato facta’ putarem, ferrem paulo facilius; sed omnia sunt mea culpa commissa, qui ab iis me amari putabam qui invidebant, eos non sequebar qui petebant.
If I had used my own counsel and the talk of foolish friends or wicked ones had not weighed so much with me, we should be living the most blessed of lives. As things are, since my friends bid me hope, I shall take care that my own health does not fail your labour. I see how great the matter is, and how much easier it would have been to remain at home than to come back. But if we have all the tribunes of the plebs, if we have Lentulus as zealous as he seems, and Pompey too, and Caesar — there is no need to despair.
quod si nostris consiliis usi essemus neque apud nos, tantum valuisset sermo aut stultorum amicorum aut improborum, beatissimi viveremus. nunc quoniam sperare nos amici iubent, dabo operam ne mea valetudo tuo labori desit. res quanta sit intellego quantoque fuerit facilius manere domi quam redire; sed tamen si omnis tr. pl. habemus, si Lentulum tam studiosum quam videtur, si vero etiam Pompeium et Caesarem, non est desperandum.
About the household slaves we shall do as you write that our friends agreed. As to the place, the pestilence has by now gone away — though, while it lasted, it did not touch me. Plancius, the most attentive of men, wants to have me with him, and still keeps me. I wanted to be in a more deserted place in Epirus, where neither Piso would come nor the soldiers; but Plancius still holds me back: he hopes that he may leave the province for Italy in my company. If I see the day, and come into your embrace, and recover both you and myself, I shall feel that I have taken a big enough harvest both of your devotion and of mine.
de familia quo modo placuisse scribis amicis faciemus. de loco nunc quidem iam abiit pestilentia, sed quam diu fuit me non attigit. Plancius, homo officiosissimus, me cupit esse secum et adhuc retinet. ego volebam loco magis deserto esse in Epiro, quo neque Piso veniret nec milites, sed adhuc Plancius me retinet; sperat posse fieri ut mecum in Italiam decedat. quem ego diem si videro et si in vestrum complexum venero ac si et vos et me ipsum reciperaro, satis magnum mihi fructum videbor percepisse et vestrae pietatis et meae.
Piso’s kindness, courage, and love towards every one of us is so great that nothing can stand higher. Would that the matter may bring him pleasure! to glory at any rate I see it will. About my brother Quintus I have not been blaming you. But I wished — you so few as you are — that you should be the most closely bound up together.
Pisonis humanitas, virtus, amor in omnis nos tantus est, ut nihil supra possit. utinam ea res ei voluptati sit! gloriae quidem video fore. de Quinto fratre nihil ego te accusavi, sed vos, cum praesertim tam pauci sitis, volui esse quam coniunctissimos.
Those to whom you wanted me to give thanks I have thanked, and have written that you informed me of it. As for what you write, my Terentia — that you will be selling the village — I beg you, wretched man that I am — what will become of us? And if the same fortune presses us, what will become of our poor boy? I cannot write the rest; my tears are too strong; nor will I draw you into the same weeping. I write only this: if our friends shall stand to their duty, money will not be lacking; if they shall not, you will not be able to make it good with your money. For our wretched fortunes’ sake — see that we do not destroy the boy in his ruin. If he has something to keep him from poverty, only middling virtue, only middling fortune, will be needed for him to come into the rest.
quibus me voluisti agere gratias egi et me a te certiorem factum esse scripsi. quod ad me, mea Terentia, scribis te vicum vendituram, quid, obsecro te, me miserum! quid futurum est? et si nos premet eadem fortuna, quid puero misero fiet? non queo reliqua scribere; tanta vis lacrimarum est; neque te in eundem fletum adducam; tantum scribo: si erunt in officio amici, pecunia non deerit; si non erunt, tu efficere tua pecunia non poteris. per fortunas miseras nostras, vide ne puerum perditum perdamus; cui si aliquid erit ne egeat, mediocri virtute opus est et mediocri fortuna ut cetera consequatur.
Take care of yourself, and send me letter-carriers, so that I may know what is being done and how you all are. The waiting now is altogether short for me. Greet little Tullia and Cicero. Farewell. Sent the sixth day before the Kalends of December, at Dyrrachium.
I have come to Dyrrachium, both because it is a free city and is dutiful to me, and the closest to Italy. But if its public crowds disturb me, I shall move elsewhere, and shall write to you.
Dyrrhachium veni, quod et libera civitas est et in me officiosa et proxima Italiae; sed si offendet me loci celebritas, alio me conferam, ad te scribam.