Letter · 13 December 62 BC · Romae

Ad Familiares 5.5

Ad Familiares 5.5

Headnote

Cicero to Gaius Antonius (the consul of 63 BC who had been Cicero’s colleague and was now proconsul of Macedonia), written at Rome at the end of November or beginning of December 62 BC. The cool, formal opening acknowledges that the friendship has cracked: Cicero would have written nothing but commendations were Antonius not a former colleague, but Atticus is going east and forces a real letter. The middle paragraph is the bill of grievance — Antonius has, on Cicero’s account, ignored or even spoken against him — with the famous gentle aside, “I do not dare to say that I have ‘ascertained’ it, lest I happen to use that very word which men say is wont to be falsely turned against me by you” — the verb comperisse, “to have ascertained,” had been the hostile tag for Cicero’s evidence-gathering against the Catilinarian conspirators. The closing paragraph commends Atticus and his Epirote business affairs to Antonius’s care — the practical reason for the letter that is otherwise mostly an ultimatum.

Although I had decided to send no letters to you except those of recommendation — not because I supposed they had any great weight with you, but so that I should not show those who asked them of me that anything in our connection had been diminished — yet, when Titus Pomponius, the man most fully aware of all my zeal and good offices toward you, eager for you, most loving of me, was setting out for you, I thought I should write something, especially since I could not otherwise satisfy Pomponius himself.
etsi statueram nullas ad te litteras mittere nisi commendaticias (non quo eas intellegerem satis apud te valere, sed ne iis, qui me rogarent, aliquid de nostra coniunctione imminutum esse ostenderem), tamen, cum T. Pomponius, homo omnium meorum in te studiorum et officiorum maxime conscius, tui cupidus, nostri amantissimus, ad te proficisceretur, aliquid mihi scribendum putavi, praesertim cum aliter ipsi Pomponio satis facere non possem.
If I am demanding the highest offices from you, that should seem strange to no one. For all things proceeded from me to you that pertained to your interest, your honour, your dignity. That no thanks have been returned to me by you for these things, you yourself are the best witness; that, on the contrary, something even has come from you against me, I have heard from many — for I do not dare to say that I have “ascertained” it, lest I happen to use that very word which men say is wont to be falsely turned against me by you. But the things which have been brought to me, I prefer that you learn of them from Pomponius (to whom they have been no less troublesome) than from any letter of mine. What kind of mind I have had toward you, in singular service, both the senate and the Roman people are witness; how grateful you have been to me, you yourself can judge; how much you owe me, the rest will judge.
ego si abs te summa officia desiderem mirum nemini videri debeat. omnia enim a me in te profecta sunt, quae ad tuum commodum, quae ad honorem, quae ad dignitatem pertinerent. pro his rebus nullam mihi abs te relatam esse gratiam tu es optimus testis, contra etiam esse aliquid abs te profectum ex multis audivi; nam ’comperisse’ me non audeo dicere, ne forte id ipsum verbum ponam, quod abs te aiunt falso in me solere conferri. sed ea, quae ad me delata sunt, malo te ex Pomponio, cui non minus molesta fuerunt, quam ex meis litteris cognoscere. meus in te animus quam singulari officio fuerit, et senatus et p. R. testis est; tu quam gratus erga me fueris, ipse existimare potes; quantum mihi debeas, ceteri.existimant.
What I did before for your sake, I did being moved by goodwill, and afterwards by my own constancy. But the rest, believe me, demands far greater zeal of me, and greater gravity, and greater labour. If I shall not seem to be pouring all this away and losing it, I shall sustain it with all my strength. But if I begin to feel it is unwelcome, I shall not bring it about that I appear to you yourself to be mad. Of what sort and of what kind these things are, you may learn from Pomponius. And Pomponius himself I commend to you in this way: that, although I trust you will do everything for his own sake, yet I beg this of you — that, if any love toward me yet remains in you, you display it all in Pomponius’s business. Nothing more pleasing can you do for me.
ego quae tua causa antea feci, voluntate sum adductus posteaque constantia; sed reliqua, mihi crede, multo maius meum studium maioremque gravitatem et laborem desiderant. quae ego si non profundere ac perdere videbor, omnibus meis viribus sustinebo; sin autem ingrata esse sentiam, non committam ut tibi ipsi insanire videar. ea quae sint et cuius modi, poteris ex Pomponio cognoscere. atque ipsum tibi Pomponium ita commendo, ut, quamquam ipsius causa confido’ te facturum esse omnia, tamen abs te hoc petam, ut, si quid in te residet amoris erga me, id omne in Pomponi negotio ostendas. hoc mihi nihil gratius facere potes.

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